obsessive Love

Please help! —Preceding unsigned comment added by WalterJid (talk • contribs) 22:37, 4 September 2007 (UTC) hello i am also affected by obsessive love but i am perfectly sane and hardly ”suffer“ from it. If you truely love whoever you're obsessing over you don't need to be ”treated“ for anything.This article is incredibly inaccurate.i don't love said person because of projection but because she makes me happy.she is hard to connect with because my friend told nasty lies about me to her,and because hardly anyone would like to see us together . i am not insane as this greatly-flawed article would suggest i am,so you're probably not either.

i have the exact same thing —Preceding unsigned comment added by 24.117.107.134 (talk) 19:46, 15 September 2007 (UTC)

This article is 100% accurate. All of the phases happened to me. My ex is now at phase 4 and i got one of the consequences already. This has helped me realize what he is doing. My best friend showed me this a month ago before i suffered one of the consequences hoping i wouldn't have to get a consequence and I wish i listened when I had the chance because now I suffer everyday and today was the day i cut him out of my life completely because that's the only way to treat someone who's behavior follows all the phases in this article so this article is no where near false or wrong. I know from experiencing this for over a year and now i regret not listening to my best friend or taking time to actually look at this. ~Melissa~ —Preceding unsigned comment added by 68.197.33.138 (talk) 05:31, 14 April 2011 (UTC)

This article is 98% accurate. I was the one obsessive in love and looking back reading the steps that is exactly how it happened. Except She actually never cut me off I did her because I knew I couldn't just be friends with her. I still have her phone number and know where she lives and am not blocked from any communication from her I just don't contact her. We actually dated and had sexual relationship for a month or so then she decided to just be friends. Which was a result of my actions. And stuff I was saying completely jokingly. It has been about 4 years since I've talked to her and I'm still madly in love with her. I would marry her tomorrow if she called me right now asking to marry her. I've had on relationship since her and it just wasn't her. After me and said girlfriend broke up me and the one i'm madly in love with reconnected and went out to dinner. Her and my EX ended up running into each other at a bar and my recent ex told her all kinds of lies I said about her. I do not even pursue relationship's anymore because I know it will be a waste of time because I will never be with who I truly love. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 24.125.137.65 (talk) 00:35, 21 February 2014 (UTC)

I consolidated the information in the lists that were tagged into a body of text, but the latter part ("What Causes It?") ends up seeming like one long run-on sentence. I couldn't think of any better way to do this while simultaneously eliminating the list. If anyone has any better ideas on how to format that portion, it would be appreciated. If one feels I've simply done a horrible job, just revert and re-add the cleanup-laundry tag. I also fixed the above date for the deletion discussion, as it was set to November 31 2006, a date which has not yet occurred. --Skullfission 11:15, 1 November 2006 (UTC)

No need to be apologetic. One of Wikipedias tenets is to be bold. Keep up the good work. --GringoInChile 13:18, 1 November 2006 (UTC)

"Since obsessive love is more of a delusion than actually falling in love with a real person, it can lead to dangerous results depending on how far the obsession grows. Obsessive love can lead to stalking, rape, murder, and other harmful things to the target of obsessive love or anyone the person believes is “in the way” of their delusion. In one case, John Hinckley’s obsession for actress Jodie Foster caused him to attempt an assassination on former President Ronald Reagan, because he believed it would grab her attention."

This makes all obsessive love sound like delusion. Not all stalking, rape, or murder related to obsessive love is the result of a "delusion". Having obsessive love and realizing the person does not love you back is not delusional. It becomes a delusion when it becomes erotomania. 69.30.182.166

This is like an essay.....the person makes a statement but does not answer WHY or HOW, e.g. HOW is obsessive love similar to unrequited love.--196.219.185.21 21:22, 13 March 2007 (UTC)

Hey, does anybody know what disorder it is if a person removes another person, and inserts themselves into a story, particullaryly if it is the removal of a past girlfiend and insertion of herself into the empty slot? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Coolpeople200 (talk • contribs) 00:19, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

This section, although it may be true, is purely subjective. Research on the actual emotional state of an obsessed lover must replace this subjective account. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Eaguerra (talk • contribs) 14:22, 26 March 2007 (UTC).

The whole possession thing is messed up, imho, because of BDSM. You can want to be possessed or want to possess without having a mental dissorder. This is just an opinion on sanity, this isn't fact. 71.88.41.176 04:39, 29 July 2007 (UTC)themadcaplaughs

The article states that education creates a climate for obsessive love, "as nearly all obsessive lovers are educated people and thus able to think about and analyze their feelings". It seems to me that someone able to analyze their feelings and think things through rationally would be less likely to become pathologically obsessed. Furthermore, since when are educated people more likely to analyze their feelings? How the article is referenced makes it really hard to go back and see what Mr. Hodgkinson really meant. In the meantime I got rid of that bit because it doesn't make much sense.

The article needs to be re-written in more appropriate style and with more helpful citations. I've gone through and quickly fixed the tone and syntax in a few places, just for a start. --Awesomebitch 00:12, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

There needs to be more detail on how an obsessive love affects the person's friends and families, and how one can disassociate everyone else for this one person. C. Pineda (クリス) 02:47, 26 October 2007 (UTC)

Why? Because there's no such a thing like "obsessive love", there's no such a medical term and the citations are taken from books written by journalists and not scientists, everything being extremely subjective! There is abolutely no base for any of the so called "phases"... everyting seems to be the result of someone's frustratation, probably a pretended "victim" of unrequited love, as it is the case with the the author of one of the cited books, that is Liz Hodgkinson ... she's just a jurnalist with a very strong personal opinion on the subject and nothing else... —Preceding unsigned comment added by 89.43.81.62 (talk) 08:35, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Actually, I have been "in love" with someone and came across this page by googling the term "obsession". And I have to say I'm VERY surprised that over 90% of the symptoms described on this page matches what I'm currently going through. Having read this page and realizing what is actually going on with me really helps knocking some sense back to me. Although, I hope there is some guidelines on how to cure this condition other than "getting professional help". --206.116.117.223 (talk) 06:22, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

I find it absurd to criticize obsessive love due to the criteria for it being subjective - because ALL mental illnesses are the same. The various diagnostic criteria are arbitrary and subject to change in future versions of the DSM. And finally, obsessive love is absolutely real, and just because you haven't had it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You might as well deny the existence of gluten sensitivity or restless legs syndrome (both used to be commonly denied to exist - but of course, only by those who didn't have them). It exists, but the DSM folks have really badly dropped the ball by not including it as a mental disorder. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 63.78.215.165 (talk) 21:29, 11 July 2016 (UTC)

I would also have to disagree with the suggestion that this article should be removed. My personal experiences as both a sufferer and as a health worker strongly affirm the content of this article. While it is true that no such clinical diagnosis currently exists within the standard text (DSM-IV-TR) that does not mean that the ideas raised here are of no worth. Luke REID (talk) 23:45, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

Even if it's complete BS, people have written books about it. The threshold for inclusion in Wikipedia is verifiability, not truth. If people believe it exists, an article can be written about it. VDZ (talk) 01:54, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

There should at least be a couple words stating that this has nothing to do with psychology. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 85.103.102.97 (talk) 21:04, 12 November 2009 (UTC)

AGREED THIS ARTICLE NEEDS TO BE UPDATED AND MORE INFORMATIVE, reading this article gives you the feeling of having some psychological problem, an introduction that explains that these are just peoples THEORIES and BELIEFS (probably based on personal experiances..)should be included if this article is not removed, as it can be considered misleading. 1am, 15 November 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by 124.148.157.126 (talk)

I thought this article was spot on and facinating. I have been obsessing over a woman who I am in love with and thought it was unhealthy so I researched to this page and wasn't surprised to see that most of the content was, for me , totally accurate. I am a sufferer of borderline personality disorder so I wasn't shocked to see it mentioned here. This article has helped me realise how unhealthy my obsessive thoughts and actions have been. It has given me hope! —Preceding unsigned comment added by 99.248.161.112 (talk) 01:04, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Leave the article be, its helped me realize all the things i been doing wrong for years in my life now. Now I feel i have a chance with women again. :)--Dr. Pizza (talk) 02:12, 5 August 2010 (UTC)

This article has to be removed. The symptoms are just the normal symptoms any person with a broken heart suffers. Anyone who is left by his/her loved one will have all these feelings. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 79.155.17.109 (talk) 17:49, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

This article is 100% TRUE! everything described in here phase by phase has happened to me even while just starting to date him and now i suffered one of the consequences at the top of the page. So this is very helpful and made me notice everything that has happened to me and everything he has done to me. My best friend tried to show me this page and i have just started reading it. Now my best friend has had to be there for me more with what I am going through. This article is not fake, false, or any variation to those words. My now ex is now in phase 4 and has passed to doing one of the consequences again like i stated earlier. So this article is not garbage and should not be removed. ~Melissa~ —Preceding unsigned comment added by 68.197.33.138 (talk) 05:16, 14 April 2011 (UTC)

Personal anecdotes of people who can relate with what's described on the journalist's book do not make the whole thing "real" in a medical/psychological sense, just like feeling totally like a Pisces doesn't validate astrology. Probably other conditions or group of conditions are better academic labels to what's described. Maybe instead of being just removed, it could be transformed into an article specifically about the book (pretty much the sole "source"), rather than suggesting a concept the non-specialist author came up with.

i currently have obsessive love.--Sweetheart2009 (talk) 00:15, 15 July 2009 (UTC)sweetheart2009

I am going through the same thing. I have gotten to the point where i got one of the consequences done to me. I just did today what i had to do to help myself. The only way you can help yourself is to cut him completely out of your life. Tell them you don't want to associate with them. Tell them you are done with them completely. If you don't cut them out of you're life, they will keep doing the same thing again and again. I hope that it gets better for you. ~Melissa~ —Preceding unsigned comment added by 68.197.33.138 (talk) 05:21, 14 April 2011 (UTC)

The article seems to suggest that: a) subject is violent and stalker-ish towards the object b) subject's suspicions are paranoid and unbiased c) object breaks off the relationship out of discomfort

Critiques, for each point: a) subject is not necessarily the emotionally abusive side; may be obsessed with an emotionally abusive object b) cheating and lies prevalent as they are, and people not always even bothering to conceal them, subject may be validly suspicious of behaviours perpetrated (think cheating, mind games, emotional abuse), admitted to, and apologized for by the object, semi-forgiven, but quite possibly ongoing c) what of subjects breaking off the relationship, unable to bear the stress, embarrassment, or belittlement, despite said obsession for the object?

...unfortunately, my questions aren't exactly based on idle speculation, but rather on the mess that has become life for the last 6 years. Aadieu (talk) 18:37, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

I've found a few sources worth citing to make both articles a little more objective:

• PMID 17435931 : "The pathological love is characterized by being a behavior of taking care and paying attention to the beloved partner in a way which is repetitive and careless of control in an amorous relationship."
• PMID 10442234 : links with OCD.
• PMID 2190254 : "The term "love addiction" has been applied to persons who obsessively seek to regain the pleasurable love state which existed with a former love relationship."

Also, I've proposed the merge of love addiction into this article. MichaelExe (talk) 02:42, 13 November 2009 (UTC)

The only one mentioned in this article is obsessive-compulsive disorder. A high proportion of people with borderline personality disorder experience this. Does anyone have a ref to support its connection to OCD or BPD? Jim Michael (talk) 00:44, 5 June 2012 (UTC)

Dr. Susan Forward in her book about Obsessive Love says it's a form of OCD. There is fear of rejection or abandonment, and of being worthy of such, and the compulsion is toward the target of the obsessive love, causing a belief that the relationship HAS TO work, and failure is not an option. Everything possible must be done to make it work, to succeed, to feel loved and wanted by the specific person being targeted. The sufferer does not feel that they have any choice in the matter. They have to have that specific person or they may even kill themselves if they can't have him or her. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 63.78.215.165 (talk) 21:32, 11 July 2016 (UTC)

I have found and added a reference. Doctor Whom (talk) 18:14, 15 December 2021 (UTC)

That line made me laugh, I'll admit. But not sure if it belongs in the intro, since it's not really a verifiable fact, and more like an editorial. 162.205.77.189 (talk) 09:10, 31 December 2013 (UTC)

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